The Kyle Jenner Challenge << My take on the matter.

So I saw this thing called the ‪#‎kylejennerchallenge‬. It's a method that allows a person to plump up their lips by sucking on a shot glass or something similarly shaped to the point of bruising themselves. I have to say something about this because I remember White people making fun of those with "big" or "thick" lips. In fact, they also made fun of women with big butts. The women they talked about were Black. And now, they're clamoring to get big butts and lips in order to achieve that look. In fact, when Angelina Jolie got popular, folks were saying how beautiful her lips were, but would twist their faces up in disgust whenever they saw those same lips or butts on Black people.
I just find it interesting how trends are mostly started BY Black influence, but the Blackness is never appreciated in its original form. That seems to go for ALL American art, fashion, etc that started through Black people.
I'd like to take the time to let people know (I'm sure quite a few of you already know this, so I'm probably preaching to the choir at this point. ) that Blackness is NOT a commodity

Moments of Clarity

People usually talk about their moments of clarity as if they are joyous, freeing, and wonderful. For me, that part exists, BUT no one REALLY discusses their feelings during said moment. I decided I'd do that with you in a 2 part format: Before the moment, and after the moment.

Before:  I had an inkling of what was going on before I reached my moment of clarity. I knew how things operated, and all I could see was the impending mess that was coming as things happened. It got to the point where I could predict things before they happened and move accordingly.  

But it was baby steps. 

I thought I was doing the exact correct thing at that time but in reality, I was only doing a small piece of what I needed to do to reach this moment. And it still wasn't enough, and I knew it.

So I went to work seeking out what I needed to find.

What I found was something BIG. Something so incredibly deep that I really had no idea how I found it.  The catch was that I already knew how deep it was, but now I'm just digging into the top surface. 

After:
I dug deeper and deeper, and now I am astounded, awestruck, angry, depressed, anxious, relieved, and  really fucking tired. Not just tired from lack of sleep, but mentally drained, exhausted, and feeling deflated, and I have panic attacks from time to time. 

And yet after all of that heaviness, the biggest feeling I have is anxiety. 

But my head is clearer than it has ever been before. 
I know what I must do, and my purpose before going through this moment of clarity still suits my actions. I just need to be more careful, concise, patient, thorough, and cautious. 

And I'm just in the start of this thing. And this thing is really, really BIG. I'm talking a drop in the bucket type big. Like a single person in the universe type big. And I'm pretty close. 

I'm pretty close. 

Let me get serious for a minute

I've been away for a very long time. Due to various events, I've had to take some time off from blogging. As a result, I've been very busy and I've been pulled in several directions. That being said, I'd like to give you guys a little bit of insight as to what has been going on. I can't give too many details, but here's a start:

When I was a kid, I wanted to be just like Martin Luther king. When I slept at night, I would dream that I would be speaking, and then all of a sudden, I would be shot and killed just like him. This was a reoccurring dream that I had from aged six until I got hit by a car in 2002. Then, the dream changed into me getting killed because I offended someone. After the Zimmerman trial, the dream changed into someone killing me "just because."


I've always had the drive to seek out truth in all forms. It got me in trouble at home, and it got me in trouble with the students at school because I "asked too many damn questions," much to disapproval of the kids who just wanted to get the hell out of that particular class in the first place, lol. The teachers LOVED it until I got into college. Both the students and teachers hated to see me coming. I earned a reputation for bringing up various points or addressing things that the teacher said in order to justify their borderline or blatantly racist beliefs that were inserted into the curriculum. Students retaliated via various passive aggressive ways and teachers did their own things to get back at me. I was labeled as "aggressive", and "outspoken", or a person who "thinks she's too smart," when the real reason why I had become this kind of person was that I kept wanting to know why these things were happening to me when I was a kid, and what caused all of them to happen to me and other people throughout my life. This prompted me to do a lot of research and figure it out.






Now that I can answer many of the questions I've been asking myself, I've known for quite some time, THAT is what makes people uncomfortable around me, and THAT would be the reason I was killed over and over in my dream, and hit by a car in real life.






To this day, sociology and psychology are my favorite subjects. I read about this stuff in my spare time so I can completely and fully understand what is going on around me. And that ability to understand what is going on around you has the potential to break a person because you become the person who has to explain over and over to people who ask these questions, but aren't really seeking answers. All they want to do is say, "NUH UHH, That's not how/why, etc."






This is why a person needs to read. Don't just pick up a book, open it and recognize the words, and pronounce them in your head. Look them up. Research the footnotes and references to what the author is talking about.






But guess what? No matter how many books I read, or how much breath, or how many keystrokes I waste my time with, somebody will find a reason to kill me, and they will do it by any means necessary if they should feel so inclined to. I think that was what the first dream was trying to tell me when I was a kid. I was pretty depressed growing up anyway, so why not, right? Why not die prematurely. This country ain't shit, and there are a lot of people in it who aren't shit, and they will try to justify their right to be "ain't shit" people. Silly me for thinking otherwise. tongue emoticon As a kid, I had a sense that a lot of people fit that description, but I really hoped that if I had the chance to grow up, maybe I'd meet some good people. I've met a few, but they are far few and in between. Some of the "good people" I've met in person have shown themselves over the years, and I'm just plain tired.






Anyway, I can't call it. Please feel free to pick apart what I said, tell me to smile because it would all get better, tell me to pray, send hearts, etc.

I've Figured This Out: In the wake of Ferguson, The Shaw Shooting, Dillon Taylor, John Crawford, Eric Garner, etc (Part 2)

In the previous blog, I wrote about the stereotypical American image and how it needs to be dismantled. Since then, I've thought more about this situation and I'd like to add the following.

On the "no one cares about White people" argument. I'd like to tell people that say this to GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE WITH THAT MESS. Here's why.

People cared when there were mass shootings all over the place, and the shooters killed White people. We were made to know about the casualties and how the shooter was apprehended (while alive, might I add) and dealt with in a swift manner. Why is it that when a single Black person is shot by a white person, White people cry about not getting enough attention for their deaths? After the Sandy Hook shooting, pink ribbons were tied to everything stationary and companies lowered their flags to half mast. We are MADE to pay attention to White deaths in this country. Whenever a mass shooting happens, the entire country gets reminded of it and all of the casualties, but when a single wrongful death of a Black person is mentioned, people lose their minds and say things like "White people have died too and no one cared." when in actuality, America is made to care about EVERYTHING that White people do.  It appears to me that White people always want to be the center of attention whenever it comes to dealing with anything related to Black people. This happens with killings, our art, ANYTHING, to the point where people like Rudy Giuliani and Ted Nugent have to add their two cents to tell people what is wrong with Black America. Funny how I never heard them say anything about the riots during the Pumpkinfest in Keene NH or Huntington Beach, or the riots when the San Francisco Forty Niners didn't win, but back to the original point I was trying to make.

Bottom line, I don't think a whole lot could be accomplished unless Black people are recognized for their humanity and as humans. Until then, this country will continue to hem, haw, scratch and pick like chickens at the racial issues that exist in this country. We can switch the issue and point it to "rich vs poor", when in actuality, that is only part of the problem. Poverty touches all races, but when the people in that demographic are too busy saying things like, "At least I'm not a nigger", and referring to all Black people as "moochers" and "welfare recipients", while ignoring that they are the chief recipient of those benefits, then they can not and will not be able to work together. Face it. If a poor White person could feel confident enough to look any Black person in the eye while summoning all the smugness and arrogance of  the entire Fox News staff  to confidently say something along the lines of, "We run this shit, and if you don't like it, then go back to Africa!" whenever he or she should see fit, then NO real reform could happen in this country. Its two things America loves to express its hatred for: Black people, and poor people, and they have a vested interest in keeping it that way. Long story short, any and all structures fueled via racism need to be completely dismantled regardless of the level that structure may reside in. It's going to take a lot of people, and a lot of careful planning.  That is all.

Where Do We Go From Here?

Thanks to the events leading up to today, I have wondered where do we go from here, and how do we get there.  First we must realize what we are fighting against. I've come to the following conclusion:

We are up against an unethical immoral people consumed with money and power. They will do ANYTHING for it, which includes enslaving people, committing genocide, etc while creating laws to protect themselves, and they will stop at NOTHING in order to maintain the status quo. They control the police,politics and the media. 

It seems that people speak of unity, but we want to work within a framework that doesn't have us in their best interest. If it did, then we wouldn't be where we are right now. Cliquing up with organizations will not fix this. I feel this was the same mistake that was made during the Civil Rights Movement. 

From where I'm sitting, that movement only got us jobs, and I still get looked at funny for sitting in the front of the bus. And even when we go to job interviews, we get discriminated based on our names,addresses and whether or not a Black woman has natural hair. I've even heard of natural women wearing wigs to job interviews just so they could get that job. What kind of progress is that? Sure, we make a bit more money at the expense of something, but monetary progression alone seems a bit non fulfilling. 

How can one exist in a country that was never EVER meant for them? Aside from withdrawing our money from it, and re directing where it goes, we still pay taxes. I believe we must figure out what we need to do to get out of this situation we are forced to be in.

I'm working on coming up with solutions, but they will not be posted for obvious reasons. Until then, we'll see. 

Worldstarhiphop and a Bit on Authority Worship.

DISCLAIMER: This blog is chock full of grammatical errors, sentence structure problems, punctuation issues and many other writing faux pas I didn't mention. I've found that writing like this serves as therapy, and gives me a concrete place to put my thoughts. They appear to be all over the place, and my paragraphs are long because I have so much in my head that I have to get it all out in some way. I mentioned in the introduction that I would rant about these things often. As we all know, ranting about things doesn't necessarily get them resolved. Instead of ranting at everybody over and over, I figured I'd put them here. Doing that gives me a sense of resolution, and reminds me that I have put the idea down for the time being. Otherwise, it would re circulate through my mind. 

Please forgive me if my writing style bothers you. I definitely understand why it would. That being said, I am still open to constructive feedback. Since I started writing these, I have changed the look, the font is bigger, and the paragraph spacing was a LOT less than it is right now. I'm still working on the paragraph lengths, and the grammar has improved since my previous post.

If anybody sees this. Thank you for reading. I greatly appreciate the fact that people are checking out these thoughts of mine. I just wonder if anyone else out there is thinking of the same stuff in the same way I'm thinking about it in my little corner of the universe.

That being said, let me get back to the subject.
-------------------------------
Here's an idea:

What if the people who spread the worldstarhiphop videos that had kids in them decided to collectively look for the parents or relatives of the kids in the video in hopes of fixing the behavior in the videos? The reason I said this was because I just saw a very tiny boy (looked to be aged 7) who was smoking weed. It messed me up because the boy was so tiny that he looked every bit of aged 7.

Here's what tripped me out: He was dressed clean, and appropriately for his age, and he was in a car while somebody was recording. He was sitting in the back of the car looking like somebody was picking him up from school.

I mean this boy was so tiny that he looked like was at the age where he finally figured out how to keep his bed dry at night. Needless to say, he was WAAAAAYYYY too young to be doing anything like that or knowing about anything like that. On top of that, it looked like somebody gave it to him, rolled it up and lit it so he could smoke it because that blunt was rolled tight and clean. He couldn't possibly know how to do that at that age.

People were saying that somebody needs to contact the "proper authorities". Why do we as a people have to run to authorities when stuff like that pops up? Due to recent events, it's plain to see that the authorities clearly don't have any interest in showing that ‪#‎BlackLivesMatter‬, so sending the kid to them would be a grave mistake. That being said, why can't people work together to find relatives of the person or people in the video that could take care of the kids? I mean, couldn't the kid go and live with family members who have the ability to give him the love and guidance necessary to make sure he grows up? I'm just saying.

Now before you all think I'm on some "extra good" type stuff, I will say this. If people want to smoke marijuana, then that's all them. BUT little kids shouldn't be doing that. And as far as sharing worldstarhiphop videos go: I hate those videos most of the time. I think the fights should stay in the hood where they belong and not be on the internet for everybody to gawk at. Don't get me wrong. If you have to fight, then you have to fight. I'm not against fighting AT. ALL. but maybe it's just me, I find it ugly to be airing out dirty laundry like that. Let the girl or guy get their butt beat in the hood and allow the beating to disappear like they used to. Keep that mess in the hood amongst the people involved, and not on the internet like its a prime time ghetto match on pay per view. But I guess that's just how I feel about it. <Kanye shrug>

For those who wonder which video I'm talking about, I will not share it. If I do so, I would be a hypocrite. I'll have to leave you to your own devices.  That is all.

Raven Symone: Girl Bye.

Okay, I saw the following interview where Raven Symone told Oprah that she didn't want to be labeled or seen as African American or gay. She said she wanted to be considered "human who loves humans". She also mentioned who she identified herself with: Caucasians, Asians, etc. Aren't those labels as well? But after that interview came out, she had to back peddle and say that she never said she wasn't Black, but she didn't want to be labeled as "African American." See, she wants it both ways. She wants to label people and not have them label her. A person can't claim "universal" in a country that refuses to recognize people who look like her as human and treat them as such. If a person has to put race behind everything in order to seen as human, then it really says a lot about so called humanity. That's why I am not here for Raven Symone's argument regardless if a celebrity says it or not.  And let's be real here, if something discriminatory should happen to her, she'd be the first to say it's because she is a Black Gay Woman.

All I can say is "Girl Bye!  And before you do, please GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE WITH THAT BULLSHIT!"