Random Thought #4

So a couple of days ago...

I was out walking my dog, and I was thinking about everything that's going on lately.

And I got even more upset than I'm already am.

I've been depressed and very angry.

And belligerent.

And I had some really horrible thoughts that I couldn't talk about.

I started hyperventilating...

And then I got even more mad than I was before.

I knew I needed to calm myself down, so...

I asked myself the following (I know NONE of you are really ready for this, but I said to myself)...

"Do I really need to roll myself a blunt?"

I already understood why many Black people smoked weed. But it was another moment where I completely understood it loud and clear. But I didn't always think that way:

When I was a kid, I knew many people who smoked weed. I really didn't care what they did, but I knew I wasn't going to be the one. I was drug free and I was going to stay that way even though those who smoked it were okay by me, meaning reefer madness was obviously NOT real.

However I didn't want to smoke it because I was not built like that. I subscribed to the lore that said it would make you dumb and forgetful.

I prided myself for my memory (and I still do), so I wasn't interested in loosing it.

But it changed when I ended up in an accident (car vs pedestrian, and I was the pedestrian).

At that particular time, I smoked it to help relieve pain in my back and legs.

And it worked.

I was against the idea of it being good for medical reasons because I was under the impression that people wanted it legal just so they could be high all day (YES, I was judgmental as HELL for that, I know).

By then, I had dabbled with it, but I had no pain at the time so I didn't believe it could work.

But I grew some brains after experiencing real pain and having the option to relieve it after opiates and NSAIDs (over the counter pain medicines) didn't work.

Fast forward to 2012:

I was shoveling snow (because it was the only exercise I had time for during the winter) and my back began to hurt the day after. I thought it was due to the workout, but it stayed sore for a year and the pain began to spread. By then, I had had several tests done and I was diagnosed with osteoarthritis, and degenerative disk disease.

I tried smoking it again for medical purposes.

It helped me do all of the activities I enjoyed and I was very active again.

2014
After many many tests, and previously prescribed medications, I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia.

I didn't even know what it was and why it happened.

I began to do research about it, and I found that marijuana helps ease the symptoms, and that being under unusually heavy stress for long periods of time can trigger fibromyalgia.

2015.

So here I am, dealing with Fibro and learning more about myself and dealing with my surroundings.

I find myself being short with people, and I call out foolishness more and more.

But deep down, I am angry with myself because all of my life I was always active and had physical strength.

People described me as positive, "happy go lucky" and goofy.

Now I am angry.

I'm still goofy in person though, which is nice, I guess.

However I feel like some sort of pariah.

Part of me wishes so called modern medicine would help me live a normal life.

But all it does is make me dizzy, and literally give me new kinds of headaches  (Seriously,have you ever had a jumping headache?  It really jumps inside your head! ) and all kinds of bizarre symptoms.

But I'm more alive than I've ever been before (No thanks to modern medicine).

I am more careful and patient when observing situations in order to assess them.

My critical thinking skills are sharper than they've ever been.

And I am thankful for that.

However, I can't call it.

I feel brand new, tired, and constantly in pain.

I don't even know which direction to go half of the time.

Oh well. I'll figure things out. But so far, I think I'm okay with the direction I'm headed.

Anyway, I'm going to finish off this bottle of wine.

* I never did roll that up...

Somebody Trot Out The Negro

Yes. I'm late again. I failed to bring my take on the subject as soon as it happened. But as you could see by the rest of my blogs, I've been turning these issues over and over again in my mind before I write about them.

Okay. Raven Symone...

*She said she didn't like the idea of Harriet Tubman being on the new twenty dollar bill. She said she thinks "we need to move a little bit more forward" among other things. She said she'd like to see somebody who represents how far we've come. She said Rosa Parks would have been a better choice.  Here's the video:

'The View': Raven-Symoné Does Not Agree That Harriet Tubman's Face Should Be on 20 Dollar Bill

I'm at the point where any time I see her face, I know there's going to be some sort of fuckery going down. In fact, I think since the media has already exhausted its former go to "Black people" like Don Lemon, Stacy Dash, so they're looking for new faces since trotting out the same old Negroes are starting to look more than a little 'tired' and basic.

Insert Raven Symone, Ben Carson, Charles Barkley, and the latest edition, Sean (P-diddy) Combs

Now since Raven Symone is already exhausted, let's get right to P-diddy and what he said about Baltimore.

Apparently, he thinks Black people are committing genocide on themselves.

GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE WITH THAT BULLSHIT! Here's why,

That dude made his money off of the backs of people who were about that life, and then he turned around and pointed the finger at the people he made money off of now that he's finished with them. That's not right at all.

True, gang violence needs to be addressed, but these people act like neighborhood crime is a uniquely Black thing.  Not only that, they act like it hasn't been addressed simply because he or people like him don't see it and they only hear about it. People act like physical violence comes from lack of education, without paying attention to the fact that there are many types of violence that comes from many different people regardless of education.

That being said, I think people who think like Puffy ought to examine WHY those factors exist in the Black neighborhoods. People want to focus on the effect of what caused the violence, but refuse to look at the actual causes of the violence.

They also need to stop primping for the camera. How could they not know they are getting used? Every successful Black person should ask themselves the following question any time they get asked to speak on "Black affairs" or anything that appears to be a troll question, "What is the point of them asking me this question?"

Whenever the media asks a question like that, or asks you to speak about anything related to ideas of Blackness, or Black issues, it's always "funny". Always.  They can't tell me they don't know that after all of that time being in the spotlight. I don't buy it.

But they may be so married to the system that they had no choice to talk that foolishness. Oh well. The backlash will be strong. And they'll just have to suck it up.


*footnote- Now as far as the idea of putting Harriet on the new twenty dollar bill goes, I've had 2 different perspectives.

1. Nope, because they couldn't even give reparations for Black people (as if we could trust them to be fair and honest anyway) and they want to put Harriet on a piece of paper that really isn't worth the backing anymore.

2. Put all Black faces on the bills. This way, people will be forced to look at Black faces and be reminded of them when they spend money. Make the faces Nat Turner, Malcolm X, Assatta Shakur, and Marcus Garvey.

Number two sounds like something I could get into. I mean, given the racial climate in this cuntry (spelled like that on purpose), I can predict the following: the value of the US dollar will fall heavily, which will result in a greater rise in alternative currencies. People will flock to bitcoin, which is already under investigation by the federal government.

That is until the government makes it okay to use bitcoin after the fact.

Sigh. Why must I think so much?  -_- 

Ethnic Minorities Deserve Safe Spaces Without White People

Alright, here we go. This article with the same title of this blog entry, was put on my radar a couple of days ago. I left it alone because it stated the obvious for me, but here's the thing.
People (as you could probably see in any discussion where this article pops up) have a problem with the idea.


Yes. People have a problem with the idea that ethnic minorities should have a space for them. They think this article is pro segregation and is divisive to the so called 'melting pot' that is America.

Well, as predicted, I'm going to tell them to GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE WITH THAT BULLSHIT AND SIT AAAALL THE WAY DOWN. My target audience already knows why, but I'll tell anyone else who may be reading this in case they don't know.:

Any time a minority seeks to belong to a group that caters to their interests, lo and behold, some "well  meaning" White person has to interject, and say something like :

"If White people did this, it would be considered racist. Why can't White people deserve to have safe spaces without minorities?"

Here's why:

There are many places that cater towards a White only audience. White is considered a general norm. They can turn on any television show and feel represented in many lights. There are restaurants that serve food targeted for White audiences that exist (Irish pubs for example), and they can feel at ease whenever they go anywhere.


But what they fail to realize is that anybody could go and spend money in any establishment geared towards another ethnicity.
It seems the only time they have problems is when Black people seek safe spaces. 

Here's the thing:

Nobody is forcing White people to visit clubs, business, etc that cater towards Black people. No one is forcing them to tune in to BET (which serves as a go to argument for those who want a White Entertainment Television channel). In fact, Telemundo is a channel geared towards people who speak Spanish. If I wanted to brush up on my Spanish, I am free to watch it. Again, nobody is forcing people to watch Telemundo against their will.  All of these things, and spaces are optional.

And that's the point. 

In a country where a person may be made to feel isolated, it feels nice to have your own "safe space" where you can let your hair down so to speak. This is a luxury afforded by many White people. They can go anywhere and feel invited because their whiteness in the United States has been set as the norm. However, this luxury had been denied time and time again when it came to the needs of Black people.

This goes back to what I've said before regarding Black businesses:

No one balks about other nationalities starting businesses that cater to them. No one balks when people of Asian descent start up their own businesses. In fact New York has a prominent Hadisic Jewish neighborhood that caters to the needs of Hadisic Jews. And yet, no one has called any of them racist. In fact, these neighborhoods are looked at as tales to tell the rest of the world that they too, can make it in America. It's just that when Black people want a taste of the American dream, they get deemed as racist and chided for wanting to cater to their own people. And that includes the feelings towards the desire for Black people to want our own safe spaces. 

Even when Black people expressed outrage regarding excessive killings by police, someone somewhere decided that #AllLivesMatter instead of #BlackLivesMatter.  

Really?  

Really. 

It's like they're saying the following, "We really need to stop their little protest and correct them because ALL lives matter, and not just Black lives! Why are they not acknowledging us too?" 

And you're left standing there looking at them like this.

And whenever Black people go online, faceless users decide it's okay to hurl racial slurs when playing video games, send death and or rape threats, and hack into their computers to obtain personal information, in hopes they can expose you and maybe find out where you live. Or they'll just do the old fashioned thing and troll their spaces with racism, and/or by asking deliberately obtuse questions that reflect their biases. Reddit's blackladies forum experienced that on many many occasions, and it could be seen in other fine sections of reddit. One of which is called "The Chimpire", which is plethora of subreddits * dedicated towards the hatred of Black people. I mean, they even took the time to create mock subreddits with similar layouts of the original Black subreddits they were mocking in the first place. They even troll the internet in order to fabricate Black stories as well as pretend they're Black in order to disguise their slander.

Now if all that doesn't make a race or subset of people feel unsafe among the majority race or subset, then I don't know what to tell you. 

Why don't they just go ahead and admit that anything centered towards Black people will be met with hostility and the fact that its possible for such spaces to exist makes them feel nervous and they'll be forced to deal with some issues they are too afraid to touch.

And that's really why they're uncomfortable with the idea in the first place.

But then if they admit it, they'll look like a "bunch of pussies", so their only option is to keep the fuckery alive instead of address those underlying issues, I guess, which makes them well... look like a "bunch of pussies".

Maybe that's the Catch  22.

*As of 8/21/15, The Chimpire has gone private, meaning one must sign up in order to make posts or become a member. This change has been brought to us by reddit's quarantine program. It's where the formerly public subreddits have been given a "safe space" on reddit.  Meanwhile, r/blackladies, whose motto is literally "a safe space" enjoys the treat of more harassment.

Why I Write How I Write : Another Introduction

Fun fact. I went to college to become an English major. You wouldn't know it by the way I write. These days, I am not interested in writing in a way that appeals to other English majors, or professors for that matter. I write what's going on in my mind, and I write how I speak. That means, my writing is riddled with grammatical and punctuation errors, and various other things that would drive an English major or professor mad. That's okay because I write for those who understand where I'm coming from, besides, if my memory serves me correct, that technique is called "free writing" in the literary world. This writing technique should not interfere with a person's reception of my feelings nor should it be used as an attempt to discount what I have to say. Using that as an intellectual cover to do so can really undermine a person's credibility because they dismiss what you have to say and focus on semantics. << That's the shit I don't like. Therefore:


If their argument goes along the lines of, "You missed a comma here therefore your argument is moot", then they can get the hell on somewhere. It means they really weren't interested in anything I had to say in the first place.

Sure, people need to effectively communicate in a professional manner. I completely understand the need for that. This writing would be unacceptable for a college paper, nor would it be okay for a resume. That's a given. But you see and understand each and every word and the meaning of those words are appropriate for the context.

nowifiwaswritinglikethis, or If I was writn leik dis, or. Maybe I was. writing like This THEN there is a problem.

Or maybe that's just my own snobbery coming out. I don't know. However, I have told a person or two that punctuation is their friend. That means a person needs to at least separate their sentences. I can't read a single run on sentence that turns into a big paragraph with no spaces in between. That's really hard on my eyes. Anyway, I'm rambling. I need to go do something else.

Bye y'all.

Voting!... Against Your Own Self Interests.

We all know that Republicans took Congress, right? Well since then, they've been making many proposals to cut welfare benefits for those whom are poor. Missouri was one of the states to make a 15 month cut to welfare benefits.  They also want to ban poor people from eating steak and seafood. And Kansas had thoughts of them using their aid to gain access to public swimming pools, psychics, and tattoo services.

I saw this video that brought up how the residents of Owsley County, Kentucky  which is known for being the Food Stamp Capital of America have voted for the welfare cuts.

Here's the video:



The funny thing about this is... when they balk about the change for THEM, their neighbors will say, "At least you're not a nigger."  And the first person will agree.

And they will blame Black people for it.

They're probably going to blame Obama for this because (according to a lot of conservatives) Obama made the country more racist. They will reference this event as the outcome of the country being "Obama's America."

Now as far as blaming Obama goes, well, the reason America has become MORE racist after Obama became president is because the racists can't stand the idea that Obama is in that chair. In fact, the citizens spent a lot of time talking shit about him, making shooting targets of him, threatened to kill him, called him an 'uppity nigger' in so many words, and cursed him out all the way through both terms. In fact, they said Obama was Hitler, and that Obama's America was going to be crazy, when in actuality, all Obama did was sit down in the chair. They didn't like him in the chair, so they bucked against everything he did. They even talked big shit on his wife.

I suspect that exposed racism and hatred was exactly what the Obama haters were afraid of. They would be unable to control themselves now that "Obummer" (their words, not mine) is in that chair. They wanted him to go along to get along, which is expected of any Black politician. Even when he won fair and square, people were saying that the Blacks and the so called "Illegals" (their words again) swayed the election when in actuality, Black people only make up about 13 percent of the population, and many of them are incarcerated. Incarcerated people don't get the right to vote. Illegal people don't get that right either, so they can't say its possible the victory happened solely due to this particular subset of people.


I digress. I wonder if anybody has told them about this thinking. I wonder if anybody has ever let them know how ridiculous they sound when they complain about how this country is going down the drain ever since Barak became president. I suspect nobody has done it. But then again, I suspect if someone did bring this to their attention, they'd have to be White because honestly, some of them have prejudices so thick that a Black person mentioning anything important is just... well, a talking nigger. Oh well. I won't be the one telling them because no matter what, they'll still think what they want to think. 
And later they will both complain about their children being hungry.  But hey, you get what you vote for according to the mantra that Black folks have been told all of these years due to low Black voter turnout. 

Meanwhile when Black people actually turn out to vote, republicans call it disgusting. 

Go figure.

Black Women, Depression and the "Strong Black Woman" trope.

Okay. I saw this article regarding how Black women are pressured into being superwoman all the time and how it affects us. One of those ways it affects us is that it shows up in the form of depression. It doesn't explain why we become depressed, so I'll tell you.

America created the "Strong Black Woman".  We have to endure, thrive and live. We face a lot of obstacles while living in this country. We have to navigate everything and everywhere, and deal with a lot of foolishness. Some days, it's like, "What kind of bullshit I'm going to have to deal with today?" So we act accordingly. We lose our tempers, we get cagey. We try to ‪survive‬. Now, the "Strong Black Woman" has turned into a racist trope. You can see the trope online and on tv. They're trying to make us look like crazy hoodrat type people. They mock us, and when they talk to us, they start rolling their eyes and necks. And they put on this "voice" they think we all sound like. That's a bunch of bullshit right there. They wonder why we are mad. Well, if we didn't have to deal with a bunch of straight up ignorance then we wouldn't be mad. And now this article comes out.

As a person who has to deal with depression, I understand this article. BUT one has to examine why a lot of us experience depression and anxiety. It's because of the world we live in. Our hairstyles, names, and addresses determine whether we get the job interview. We're lucky when we get the job in the first place. And when we get the job, we have to deal with ‪fuckery‬. Sometimes the work environment can get hostile, so we get depressed because it happens everywhere we go. It's supposed to be a joke that we should be able to take. We are tired. We are tired of the bullshit we have to endure because somebody wants to make jokes.

We can disagree with someone and all of a sudden we're aggressive, or rude. The same thing happens when we bring up different ways to handle something. They expect us to smile and nod. We are only there for the background. And if we look good enough (where "enough" is subjective), they might take a picture for their pamphlets. This happens everywhere. And it weighs down on you.

I should know.

For those who have turned the "Strong Black Woman" into an online meme and or trope, I 'd have to tell them to GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE WITH THAT BULLSHIT.

That goes for all and any media outlets out there who wish to make fools of us for trying to exist in a circumstance THEY created.

All Dogs Matter- Another police brutality post

Ok. In my area, there is a large concentration of White people vs any minority. I've noticed some stuff that occurs in my area in regards to police brutality. They are against police brutality in theory, but only if their dogs are involved. That's right. 

Dogs.

Yes, dogs. Because dogs are considered family members.

Lets be clear. I love dogs. I've had a total of 6 dogs in my life. I've trained them as well.

I'd be upset if the police shot my dog. BUT if they shot my dog and overlooked me, then I would be okay with that.

I can live without a dog. But there's no guarantee the dog would have a good life without me because I don't know where the dog would go, or how they would take care of it.

But why come (I have to say it like that) when the subject of police brutality against minorites comes up, all of a sudden I hear," Yeah, but dogs too. They get killed. They are shot for no reason, and I'm sick of it. They wouldn't want anybody to shoot their family member, and my dog is family. (Dog or dogs) is/are my baby/babies. (Dog or dogs) is/are like my kids." ?

All Black people want is to be treated like humans. That's it.

And then this real not satirical article came out with the following title:

Black Baltimore Residents Aren't "Animals", We Punish People for Killing Animals

I've seen people at anti police brutality rallies holding signs about killing their dogs. Most of these people were White and some were Brown.


I have to tell them to GET ALL THE WAY THE FUCK OUTTA HERE WITH THAT BULLSHIT!


Let me say, it's a goddamn shame that article had to be written in the first place. Really? Placing dogs above Black people is just inhumane. But anecdotes don't count as proof of what I'm talking about, so let me show you another article.

Apparently in Wykoff NJ police shot a five year old German shepard named "Otto" and now they're rallying against it.

Now the question I'd like to ask is, will the "pro police" crowd create something to counter the #AllDogsMatter rallies?  Would they come up with  t-shirts that say "All Dogs Go To Heaven" instead of the "I Can Breathe" t-shirts the NYPD wore so shamelessly? Or the "I Support Darren Wilson bracelets, and t-shirts." worn by the Ferguson, Missouri Police Department. Will they race to their pocketbooks in order to fund the officers that shot the dogs with the same fervor and zeal they showed for Darren Wilson?

Something tells me that I already know the answer to that question.

 Maybe that "All Dogs Go to Heaven" t-shirt would be just what people need in order to get them to stop killing us.

But nope, if anything gets done, I think they'll just stop shooting dogs instead.